All the wildlife in Britian is in Cornwall - no really!

Were you wondering where all the wildife had got to? Living in a city makes a person feel the only animals left are pigeons, dogs, cats and rats! I mean I did some some fantastic bees and there was the odd jenny wren (god damn she's pretty), but that's just about it. Imagine going to a lush tropical place....





Where you can dance in the sun and smell the glorious smell of the British summer time. I was amazed to feel like I was 5 again exploring the undergrowth to stumble across a beautiful butterfly...

And smell a glorious flower... or two






With the warm sun's glow massaging my back I walked hand in hand with my beau, only to come across the most beautiful of all creatures...the fantastic Mr Dragonfly!

Grain, what, ho!

Well if you want the time of your life dancing to some groovy beats you could do no better than Grain. Getting better all the time, with their fabulous dress sense and exciting calls for 'bring out the banjo!', you'll have a night to remember. Loved by all from coal miners to rich hippes...they will blow you off your feet.

For a once in a life time opportunity to hear these fantastic notes log onto www.myspace.com/grainuk

Take a few minutes to listen to the rip roaring 'Campany Name', the changing beautifable 'Choke on the leaf', the oh don't you just love banjos and why aren't there more tunes with harmonicas 'gone fishin', and the fantabulous instrumentalist asianistic beat boxing 'ello pickle'.

Theres more, always more. I'm sure they'd love to come and play with you!

How to fly all the way to Edinburgh and not see Radiohead

We, theres me and the dancer all jazzed up and excitied at the prospect of seeing ole' Thom in all his finest moaning in his delectible way through songs we all know and love.

We flew (bad, bad girls) all the way to Edinburgh and put up our one and a half man tent, drunk our bottles of ale and slept soundly, knowing that soon we would be singing along to all those fine tunes!

Oh, and Beck! Did I forget to tell you that Beck was playing too! He sounded superb. Sung songs I'd danced to for a good 10 years and some I didn't know besides. Me and the dancer moving our funky fings in time to the beats. Despite, and I say despite the other un-enthusiastic British crowd who barely moved an eyebrow throughout the whole performance.

(What is it with the damn British, they pay good money to see a band they know and love and then feel too embarrased to dance at all. I mean its not as if anyone will say 'look at that twat dancing to such and such a band'. I mean you've paid good money to see them, you obviously like them! Anyway enough of that old rant.)

So as were...Um...So Beck finished and we were hungry for more. We want Thom! So off we trot to the Beer tent to buy some more disgusting alcohol in plastic cups. Already far too drunk for modest English ladies...I think we started sashaying at this point...we went off in search of some fun.

Well oh dear...As soon as Beck started playing we run around the concert like little imps, with the dancer pinching everyone's bottoms. We hardly heard a moan from Thom, so intent were we on having a good ole' drunken time! A snog or two later (well we'd never done it when we were younger), I was becoming aware that I could barely hear Thom in the background. I love his music, but obviously for me this time it was the booze that won the day. I even heard that Thom stopped a song half way through, but we never noticed!

So to be honest the best way to fly all the way to Edinburgh and not see Radiohead is to get unbelievably pissed and fool around like you was 12. We did have a good time!!

Gardening Boy bought wood!

Despite my moaning, you kick start my serotonin.
Don't trust dealers who promise you that the world is good, they will sell you wood!
Poor gardening boy x